Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
well, you know. whores of a feather.
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