Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
