I just saw a hot homeless man
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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