Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
