I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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