I smell stomach acid.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
