guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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