I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
