he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
