Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
