i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
