was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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