This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
