So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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