First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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