You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
