first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
