Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
