WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
