i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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