You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
