You smell like a Billy Joel song
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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