I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
