it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
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