quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
