but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
