With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
