Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
