Plan B is the new Plan A
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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