He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
