By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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