Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
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