I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
