Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
