tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
