I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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