How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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