I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
