Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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