That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
