Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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