All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
