She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
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