sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
