so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
