I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
