Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
