Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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