Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Randomize
