My nipple is on Facebook.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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