the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
