I want to have your abortion
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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